Boundaries Support Love

Boundaries are very often misunderstood. They can be easily mistaken for walls, punishments, or ultimatums. But true boundaries are none of these. Boundaries, when set with clarity and intention, are about recognizing and honouring who we are. But for many of us, particularly women who were never taught how to set them, boundaries are essential for protecting our sense of self and the space we carry within.

The mythologist Joseph Campbell once described how, in ancient times, people would mark a line in the ground around them to signify sacred space. Once you crossed that line, you were stepping into something holy, something to be treated with reverence. Just the act of drawing a line created a shift. On one side was the mundane; on the other, the sacred.

Boundaries are like those lines. When we set a boundary, we are saying: "Beyond this point lies something sacred, essential to me. My well-being, my dignity, or my emotional health have to do with this. Step into this space with respect, with care. Boundaries are not about controlling others but about communicating the conditions under which we can remain open and present for them, and be connected.

When someone skips our bondaries, they are not just just being inconsiderate. They are stepping into your territory without permission. This can feel very disorienting and hurtful because it violates our core sense of safety and respect. The challenge is that many of us were never taught that we, ourselves, have boundaries. Many of us were tought to give, to accommodate, to not get into "trouble", to preserve harmony. But harmony that comes at the cost of ourselves is not peace, it is harm.

Historically, women were often socialized to give priority to our relationships and harmony over our own needs. We were taught that we had to be polite, accommodating, and nurturing. We have been told "don't upset others," "be nice," and "put others first", as the way to be loved and accepted. I understand there was good intention in that, but things like this have discouraged women from recognizing and asserting their own boundaries for generations. The ability to say no, assert your personal space, and make one's well-being a priority was often viewed as selfish or unfeminine. This has put women traditionally in the position of caregivers and peacekeepers.

On the other side of things, from a young age, boys were often taught to stand their ground, defend their opinions, and take leadership roles. This conditioning helped many men develop a stronger sense of boundary-setting, though it also sometimes came with the unhealthy expectation to suppress their own vulnerability or emotionality. I know, "not all", but many. As a result, people socialised as men often learned boundaries for goals and the external, but were not always taught how to set emotional boundaries or communicate their deeper feelings.

Understanding boundaries is an act of self-respect. We have emotional, mental, and physical landscapes that deserve care and protection. When we set a boundary, we are not rejecting others—we are honouring the relationship by clarifying what is needed for it to remain healthy.

Boundaries give us more love because they create clarity in relationships. When we communicate what we need to feel safe and valued, we invite others to connect with us authentically. Without boundaries, relationships can get messed up in unspoken resentments, unmet needs, and a lot of confusion. With boundaries, love flows freely because both people understand how to show up for each other.

So, first, we must know, and recognize deep in our bones, that our feelings, our time, and our energy are worthy of protection. Next, we need to communicate our boundaries with clarity and resolution. And kindness. "This is what I need to feel safe and valued," we can say. "This is the line I have drawn." And finally, we must hold ourselves accountable to honour our own boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when it means someone can't be in our life.

Still with this, and the possibility of not having other specific people in our lives, boundaries are not barriers; they are invitations. They invite others to step into our sacred space with care and respect. They remind us, and the world, that we are here, deserving of care and respect, as we also honour the spaces of others.

I woke up today, Valentine's, thinking that more boundaries give you more love, because you are more open to deeper and healthier connections when you know hot to protect your space, but also you emanate self-love and that matters.

Because at the end of the day, boundaries are not necessarily a way to keep others away from you: they are about letting the right relationships in, those who recognise and cherish the very special ground that can be walked, together.